I told the handyman I'd be up at 7am ready for his arrival, ready to give instruction and ready to finally get shit done.
But seeing as I'm a big fat liar (and seeing as getting out of bed early is like torture) I was still half asleep when he knocked on the door.
I frantically jumped up, put on the first thing I saw (a very very lose pair of trackies) and greeted him.
I'm having a lovely time bossing him round when I realised I completely forgot to buy the tiles he needs!
He also needs a sheet of tin so I make a mad dash run for Bunnings.
Like a pro racing car driver doing handbrake parking tricks, I skid the car into the parking bay and run inside.
I've got my phone and my keys in one hand and I'm holding up my falling trackies in the other.
I quickly grab 6 cream coloured tiles, run down to plumbing, harrass the guy in the apron and scoop up the piece of metal sheeting that's nearly as big as I am.
Got my stuff. Moving swiftly down aisle 51, skidding round corners, tiles wedged under my arm, metal sheet slipping from my other hand and it's all getting a bit precarious, so I pick up the pace before it all falls out of my arms.
Yep. Tiles fall and smash everywhere.
Tiles on concrete.
Smashed into smithereens.
But the best part?
My pants fell.
To my knees.
Luckily only 6 people stared.
Smashed tiles, pants a bit low, sheet metal now on ground.
I empty my arms to pull up my trackies...
Gathering everything back up, swearing like a trooper and grumbling under my breath (something about how princesses shouldn't even be out of bed at this hour),
I proceeded to the check out and it dawned on me
"Far out, I didn't even feel embarrassed about that!"
Realising how profound that was, I became very happy and proud of myself.
The reason I was proud was because it would have been a very different story a year ago.
The thing is, self consciousness and toxic shame underlie feelings of embarrassment. Toxic shame causes fear of making mistakes. Toxic shame causes deep self consciousness.
And there was a time, when if I had merely dropped a pen or money on the floor in the supermarket, I would have felt extreme self consciousness and embarrassment.
But I've done some serious game changing inner work lately, I've done The Spiral.
And now, dropping my pants in Bunnings, is simply not a big deal.
It was annoying and frustrating, but no sign of cringing anywhere to be seen.
I just love my game changing empowerment tools!
If you too would like to let go of emotional baggage, message me today.